Divorce Busting: solution focus

from - Eric P. Landry

"I have read a book called Divorce Busting which uses a technique called Solution Oriented Brief Therapy. I was very intrigued by this method and started doing a bit of research and found someone teaching the method. I got a couple of recommended books on the techniques. One of called the Solution Focus.

I want to share the very basic but extremely powerful concept that this book covers. It can be summarized in these 3 very simple statements.

1) Don't fix what isn't broken

2) Find out what works to promote change and produce the results you want and do more of it.

3) Find out what doesn't work and stop doing it. Do something else instead...ANYTHING ELSE, as long as you stop doing what is resulting in negative, destructive behavior.
-----1) Your wife does the dishes, you mow the lawn. It's been like that since you've met and it works. Don't change a thing.
-----2) You realize that when you want more intimacy with your wife, the fact of starting the morning with a hug and a kiss before going to work, another hug and kiss as you get back home and a few compliments throughout the evening, seems to increase your chances. Start doing these things more often.
-----3) You let your husband plan the week-ends and when he waits for the last minute to make a big plan that you are not ready for, you get frustrated and feel like he doesn't take your feelings in consideration. Maybe start planning on your own a bit early. Get the ball rolling so that he doesn't have to take all of the responsibility of week-end activities. Just change something until it works.

As I'm thinking about these 3 simple steps, I can't help but notice how big of an impact this could have in any situation where you want to solve an issue with someone. It helps you focus on what works rather than trying to analyze what doesn't work.

The most basic idea about this is that you can spend a lot of time trying to find how you got your flat tire. First, where is the nail in the tire? Then, where did you get that nail. You could be searching forever. If you focus on the solution. You simply get the spare out and change the tire. Then you are on your way again. "

Eric

http://www.ericplandry.com/