I Am Clearly Older, But the "Wiser" Part Seems To Be Coming Along A Bit Slower

At about the same time I became eligible to join AARP I got married. Building a new relationship sounded like a great idea at the time, though I must admit that I really wasn't considering that I was going to have to do anything in particular to make it happen.


"Older but wiser." Isn't that the saying?


"Everywhere you go, there you are" would have been more like it.


Since I have been missing the most basic social cues and managing to offend all sorts of people in all sorts of situations all of my life, that's not a good place to start.


So, I have embarked on a journey to treat this third and final act of my life's play as the place where it all comes together, finally, making all the mis-steps, errors, and sins worthwhile. Finding out what it is that people who have long-lasting relationships that they describe as great and getting better are actually doing that I'm not and doing it.


With a little research I have found that I am in good company with such famous names in the field of psychology and relationships as Aaron Beck, Bernie Zilbergeld, and John Gottman admitting in their books on the subject that one of the reasons they got into researching the topic of relationships was that they wanted to get better. Actually, they may even have said that they were lousy at relationships, but I don't remember exactly and, anyway, being guys, it's a reasonable guess that they were.


One thing that I find all the experts in agreement on is that good relationships take effort. You don't set them and forget them.


Coming from the "if you have to talk about what's wrong with it all the time it's probably not going to work out anyway" school, I realize now that reworking that belief is the first order of business. This blog and a website on the topic are reflections of my commitment to take that quest public.


I hope you will join in.