Fixing Relationship Problems? Maybe Not The Best Plan

Got a relationship problem? Roll up your sleeves and go to work on that sucker. Talk it over, analyze it, work it out. RIGHT???

If you ignore problems, they just get worse. RIGHT??

Well, yes and no.

If your relationship isn't running on all cylinders you're going to know it, because you're going to have problems. True. Putting your attention on the problem, however, doesn't have a very good success record.


Have you ever watched kids playing soccer and wondered why so many times they kick the ball right to the goalie? They want to put the ball into the goal, but they have a problem. Their problem is that there is a player standing there who does not want them to get the ball into the goal. What they tend to do is get their attention locked onto the obstacle and when they kick, it goes right where they don't want it to go. With intention and enough practice it is possible for them to learn to focus on where they want the ball to go, into an empty space inside the goal, and their effectiveness goes up, but it is hard to learn.

It's the same thing with relationships. Focus on problems and that's where we'll end up, right in the arms of the problems. Focus on where we want to be and our chance of getting there goes way up.

Get more information on specific ways that this can be done for relationships here.