Internet Infidelity

If a relationship is only on the internet and no real life contact is ever made, is it an affair?

That clearly is a matter of opinion and the answer depends on the meaning you place on the word "affair".

If an affair, a case of infidelity, is a "go-directly-to-divorce-court" card, then I would say that an internet relationship would better not be categorized as an affair. It will undermine the primary relationship. It will let off pressure that would best be dealt with in the primary relationship. It doesn't help anything in the long run and is likely to lead to some real time trouble.

And, it isn't fair. You don't even really know who is on the other end of that wire in the first place. Also, they don't have to deal with all of the parts of a real relationship, so they can seem to be better than they really are. And even if they are truly wonderful people, they just don't have to deal with as much with you.

It's not unlike one partner going to a therapist and then judging the other partner from there. It isn't fair either. Sure the therapist is more understanding and appreciative. They get to see you an hour a week and then go home to their own problems.

Ah, what about being with a partner who is repelled by your sexual kinks so you leave them alone on that, getting your needs met by imaginary relationships with more open-minded folk you ask? Same principles hold, but that one is a little more complicated, isn't it? Still, these kinds of things are telling us what we need to deal with in ourselves, not what our partners should do or that we need new partners.

Internet relationships? Tempting, but better left alone. Or, use them to highlight what you'd like to get more in your real relationships, but never count them as the real McCoy.