Power in Relationships

How we allocate the power in our relationships is one of the central factors in how well those relationships work.

The power to decide what we'll do, how we'll do it, and who will do it, can be parcelled out in an almost infinite number of ways, but couples who get along and prosper generally feel good about how they do it.

Now, this is not to say that any particular mix works best. No, totally egalitarian/shared relationships, traditional male head of family, or any other particular style does not win out. What does is having they participants comfortable with the way they do it.

So, especially in this time of so many changes with retirements, grandchildren, etc, we need to reconsider this from time to time.

When you decide it's time to do this a structured approach can keep you focus on the issues and off the people. The best one I have come across can be found HERE.

Senior Sex - Fetishes: do they age well?

Fetishes have always held a special interest for me for several reasons.

They can be so darned powerful, simple, and fast acting. Getting to know someone and developing a relationship that is exciting and attracting takes awhile and it takes some close contact. A pair of shiny black boots, or the right hair style or clothing can do the job from clear across the room. Why is that? And, can we use that in some positive way(s) as we get older and our physical machinery changes?

They tend to be more prevalent and stronger in males than in females. Can we admit and use that reality, or is it just a problem? They aren't inherently flattering even to those who are wearing or possess the physical trait that attracts attention. Consider, "Wow!! The color of your eyes really turns me on." How likely is the response to be "Oh, thank you. You have looked into the depths of my soul and found the real me?" Fat chance.

What is is, but that often does not help us cope with realities that we don't want to like. How effective are we at loving what is? Well, it must be hard enough to do (no matter how effective it is) that someone could make a whole career out of the topic - - - see Byron Katie's "The Work" as described in her book Loving What Is

Is it an affront to ask a lover to wear certain clothes or talk a certain way or affect certain postures, take on certain roles . . . just because it turns us on?