The "Just Don't Fight" Trap

Along the road to a truly conscious relationship somewhere awaits the "no response trap." Fights and arguments are truly no fun for most of us. And, at some point the bright idea pops up to just not respond to what feels like an attack. It does take two to fight, doesn't it? So if I don't respond, there can't be a fight. (I have read that it is usually a guy who tries this solution.)

The problem is that the choice to not respond involves a decision and an action. It may start with good intention, but it comes across as stonewalling, avoiding, floating above the fray. And it can ultimately do more harm than good.

So after the insight that fighting goes nowhere, that it takes two to fight, that you don't want to make it worse, and now the further awareness that just shutting up is not going to do it either, what to do?

In its best manifestation, this is where a conscious relationship comes in. Making it work may take longer than fighting or just going mute, but the results last and they feel better.