One way to look at it is that once you decide that saving your marriage is something that you want to try to do, then you enter into a series of personal explorations to be able to answer the important questions involved that are very likely to have positive effects on the rest of your lives together or apart.
Even if you can't make the necessary corrections to start healing this realtionship, you had better know what went wrong so that you don't just repeat the same mistakes in the future with someone else. There's no better way to accomplish this than for the two of you to try to make the necessary repairs right here right now.
The questions and introspection involved aren't easy, but not doing them can be just plain dumb. Some examples of topics on which you need to know where stand include your beliefs on
- The importance of marriage
- The importance of keeping the promises that you made when you married
- Each person's needs to keep themselves safe
- The well being of children
- How the opinions and attitudes of family and friends are affecting your choices
- How long is a reasonable time to work at it before you give up
What a person "should" do if their partner
- Is an alcoholic or drug addict
- Is having an affair
- Has had an affair in the past
- Has an anger problem
- Is abusive
- Is in jail
- - - - - -
When your marriage is in trouble, there is no shortage of people who know just what you should do. They mean well. They want you to be safe and happy. They don't want you to feel like they are siding with your rotten spouse. But, they cannot really know what is best for you! Only you can figure that out.
Find a variety of resources and tools for undertaking this mission and then see which ones work for you. It is your life, your marriage, your challenge when all is said and done.
