Saving Your Marriage

Saving your marriage, especially when one of you doesn't particularly seem to want to, can feel like a very tall order indeed.

One way to look at it is that once you decide that saving your marriage is something that you want to try to do, then you enter into a series of personal explorations to be able to answer the important questions involved that are very likely to have positive effects on the rest of your lives together or apart.

Even if you can't make the necessary corrections to start healing this realtionship, you had better know what went wrong so that you don't just repeat the same mistakes in the future with someone else. There's no better way to accomplish this than for the two of you to try to make the necessary repairs right here right now.

The questions and introspection involved aren't easy, but not doing them can be just plain dumb. Some examples of topics on which you need to know where stand include your beliefs on

• The importance of marriage
• The importance of keeping the promises that you made when you married
• Each person's needs to keep themselves safe
• The well being of children
• How the opinions and attitudes of family and friends are affecting your choices
• How long is a reasonable time to work at it before you give up

What a person "should" do if their partner

• Is an alcoholic or drug addict
• Is having an affair
• Has had an affair in the past
• Has an anger problem
• Is abusive
• Is in jail

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When your marriage is in trouble, there is no shortage of people who know just what you should do. They mean well. They want you to be safe and happy. They don't want you to feel like they are siding with your rotten spouse. But, they cannot really know what is best for you! Only you can figure that out.

Find a variety of resources and tools for undertaking this mission and then see which ones work for you. It is your life, your marriage, your challenge when all is said and done.

How To Attract WomenHow to Attract Men

Courses, books, and programs on attracting men and on attracting women have been around for a long time.

Who do you think of when you think of someone buying and applying the lessons in one of these courses? Do you see someone who is desperate? . . . who is opportunistic? . . . a manipulator? . . . someone interested in personal growth? How old are they? What has their experience been in relationships to date? Have you ever been tempted by one of these offers?

Could this kind of thing be of use to you? Like so many things . . . that depends!

If you are in a relationship now, how about being more attractive to the one you're with? Novel idea? Let's hope not. The longer we are in a relationship, the more we change and move away from the younger people who started out, the more we need to have our eyes, ears, and hearts open to who and what is in front of us right now. It need never get boring.

If you think that improving on how you come across to other people in general and how attractive a potential partner you are doesn't pertain to you or that there's nothing that you can get out of it, you might give it some more thought.

Of course if all you seek is a few new tricks to get other people to do what you want, then it probably is a waste of time and money.

If you are looking for new ways to go about relating consciously to other people, genuinely, and in ways that feel good to you then you probably would be able to pick up a couple of ideas about how you might change ways that you habitually look at other people and yourself.

Putting attention on the process of how you relate to other people can bring big rewards. And, as we get older and have more and more unexamined habits and beliefs, doing something to shake things up a bit can be even more fruitful.