Projection In RelationshipsA Dangerous Concept?

The term projection describes a psychological defense mechanism in which we unconsciously ascribe our own unacceptable or unwanted thoughts onto someone else thereby defending ourselves from the bad feelings associated with thinking such things. And, we usually don't realize that we are doing it. Wikipedia talks about it here.


In the emotional hotbed of relationship we are often faced with our own harboring of difficult or even downright scary thoughts toward our partners. Give and take can be harder than it sounds in theory.


So when we are projecting, we believe that the negative intentions, conclusions, feelings are coming toward us from the other person.


This can lead to a double whammy in which we figure that we know what they are really thinking so we respond to that in an effort to defend ourselves as if we knew. At this this point things become so tangled up that no one can figure out what is really going on.


The danger in knowing about the concept of projection is that we will use it as a weapon creating great harm. Telling someone else that they must be projecting since we feel or think nothing that could lead to the way they are acting is deadly for a couple of reasons.

• If indeed they are projecting, they don't know it and telling them they are will only cause more anxiety and defense.


• Whatever they may be doing, we don't know whether we are projecting or not either.

I can hear Oliver Hardy telling Laurel "A fine kettle of fish you've gotten us into Stanley."


There is a way out of this mess. I'll tell you what I think it is later.