Sanford Infidelity Expanding Our Understanding?

Governor Sanford's infidelity has certainly gotten a lot of attention, but what is all the outrage, shock, and finger pointing about really? If we're not Mrs. Sanford or one of their children, what's it to us?

As Byron Katie has pointed out, there are only three kinds of problems - - my problems, your problems, and God's problems; and two of those categories are not our business. If we are staying with our own business, it seems odd that on a personal level infidelity, cheating spouses, and adultery elicit anything other than sadness, discouragement, or confusion. People are human after all.

And yet people are angry. What is different about how react to it in people in leadership positions? Why are we angry when we hear about their cheating on their spouses? Why do we act as if they have done something to us similar to what they have done to those accepted their commitment?

A way of looking at it that struck a chord with me was expressed in the Daily Tar Heel newspaper at the University of North Carolina today that asserted that the core issue in infidelity is one of whether this person is able to place keeping a commitment above self interest or not. In the case of a public official we are concerned that they are able to manage their desires well enough to fulfill their commitments to all of us.

I like that. We put this person in a position of trust that does affect us and they have shown us that they aren't up to keeping that kind of promise.

Of course it doesn't even start to address how one is most likely to be successful at meeting that high, admirable, and ( I think ) appropriate standard given that we are (as previously mentioned just in case you had forgotten) . . . . human.

Apparently faith wasn't enough for Governor Sanford, though without questioning his sincerity, demonstrably he still fell short.

Of course no one knows, but at this point my suspicion is that our efforts to be good people and to try to deny and suppress those parts of ourselves that are capable of doing bad things is at the heart of the problem.

You can find more consideration of this and related topics with particular focus on those of us old enough to know better but alive enough to still do dumb things at my website, www.better-reationships-over-50.com.

Caught? Want to Come Back? (reasons for infidelity are no help)

Sorry guys. If you want to keep your primary relationship and you've been caught in an affair, you'd best say you're sorry and go from there.

At least that's what Dr. Marie H. Browne says according to an article on infidelity, adultery, cheating, messing around, etc in the NY Times that you can access here.

What you do if you want back and you're not really sorry for whatever reason was not discussed in the article. I think that's the one I really want to read.

They did point out that saying "Well, you won't ______________. What do you expect?" Won't cut it.

In a committee of two where you can't decide on a conflict by voting, where do you go in the next step, especially if __________________ is really important to you?

Some places to start are spelled out on my website, www.better-relationships-over-50.com, but truly creative loving solutions to these dilemmas seem to have some spark that uses techniques, effective beliefs and all that and then goes further.

Any insights into the "further" part?