Sanford Infidelity Expanding Our Understanding?

Governor Sanford's infidelity has certainly gotten a lot of attention, but what is all the outrage, shock, and finger pointing about really? If we're not Mrs. Sanford or one of their children, what's it to us?

As Byron Katie has pointed out, there are only three kinds of problems - - my problems, your problems, and God's problems; and two of those categories are not our business. If we are staying with our own business, it seems odd that on a personal level infidelity, cheating spouses, and adultery elicit anything other than sadness, discouragement, or confusion. People are human after all.

And yet people are angry. What is different about how react to it in people in leadership positions? Why are we angry when we hear about their cheating on their spouses? Why do we act as if they have done something to us similar to what they have done to those accepted their commitment?

A way of looking at it that struck a chord with me was expressed in the Daily Tar Heel newspaper at the University of North Carolina today that asserted that the core issue in infidelity is one of whether this person is able to place keeping a commitment above self interest or not. In the case of a public official we are concerned that they are able to manage their desires well enough to fulfill their commitments to all of us.

I like that. We put this person in a position of trust that does affect us and they have shown us that they aren't up to keeping that kind of promise.

Of course it doesn't even start to address how one is most likely to be successful at meeting that high, admirable, and ( I think ) appropriate standard given that we are (as previously mentioned just in case you had forgotten) . . . . human.

Apparently faith wasn't enough for Governor Sanford, though without questioning his sincerity, demonstrably he still fell short.

Of course no one knows, but at this point my suspicion is that our efforts to be good people and to try to deny and suppress those parts of ourselves that are capable of doing bad things is at the heart of the problem.

You can find more consideration of this and related topics with particular focus on those of us old enough to know better but alive enough to still do dumb things at my website, www.better-reationships-over-50.com.

Are There Any Good Reasons for Affairs?

There definitely are reasons for affairs, and depending on who is talking they may even be good reasons, but they are never more than that: reasons.


OK, we've gone outside the relationship to fulfill wants/needs (again a perspective thing which word you choose) and we have reasons that we did it. We still have put our primary relationship at mortal risk and we haven't done anything to move ourselves forward.


Professionals who specialize in affairs and their aftermath have plenty to say about reasons. You can get a good view of that by clicking here.


I find it rather chilling to read from a professional's eye-view of what kinds of traits and weaknesses I might be displaying by using a particular reason for infidelity.


Of course they care about this stuff because my reasons tell them about my inner short circuits and crossed wires and give them a way to help me get it back together and not do it again.


Still, those reasons sound so real and so good to me. I guess that sometimes when we're drowning it's hard to recognize the life ring when it is thrown right to us.


Reasons. Hmmm!




Oh yeah, I almost forgot. The reasons for affairs someone gives can often help us remember who's the crazy one when we are in the middle of a big mess and aren't sure how we got there and are even thinking maybe it was our fault. Which is why it's a good idea for anyone to read up on the topic to read. One good source is right here.