Mindfulness Practice: . . Vital For Us Seniors' Relationships .

Mindfulness practice could arguably be called vital for seniors' relationships.


Relationships thrive when we focus on the here and now, but what do you do when you have so much "there and then?" The baggage has a way of getting heavier and heavier as the trip goes on. At some point lugging all that stuff becomes just too much.


How many times hav you heard someone recount a slight or a hurt from their partner that sounds like it happened yesterday,only tolearn it was 11 or 18 or 27 years ago? How many times have we done the same thing ourselves? Never? Good.


Having some mindfulness practice that we daily can keep us in the present, a great place to be when relating to our loved ones. Things are so much easier when we can let our memories of the past and our worries about the future stay out of our experience of right now.

Racetrack Breathing for Relationship Bliss?!

No, racetrack breathing isn't what you do to not have a panic attack while the horse you put all your money on is straggling along in last place. It's something even I can do when things get tangled up.

It is something that I came across while I was trying to apply some mindfulness attention technique to a stressful relationship situation.

The notion that our partners will do exactly whatever we need to work through our own hang-ups is very useful, in principle. It is very useful,. . . if you can do it. It is very useful, . . . if you can stop saying "but,. . . but,. . . but . . . this is different."

There I was trying to keep my attention on the energy ricochetting around in my chest, when I found myself watching my breathing go round and round, throught the big ball of whatever in my chest. I noticed it was going in the shape of a racetrack with the turns at the top and bottom of the breath.

I figured it couldn't hurt to just keep doing it and see what happened. Eventually, things started to change, finally slowing down, softening up, and letting me see my part in the whole brouhaha. And it WAS mine. No doubt about about it.

I don't know. Maybe I'm onto something here. I'll keep you posted.

Now I'm just trying to figure out if and how it can fit into the discussion of conscious relationships over 50 at my website.

I've always been the guy who after the sermon, or the pep talk, or after reading the book, . . . is standing outside the room asking, "But what do I actually DO?" This one even I could figure out. I hope it keeps working.

Better not get too excited yet. It's just a lucky fluke right now.

Are You a Lover?

In his book about sex and relationships in the last third or so of our lives Dr. Bernie Zilbergeld found that there is a lot more sex going on in this age group than our children and grandchildren care to know about. That was good. That was a relief. That makes sense.

But Zilbergeld is a renowned expert on the subject of sex NOT on relationships. And, as it turns out, not that great at doing relationships himself by his own admission. So what did he find there?

He found a lot as it turns out and he describes details of relationships that are great and getting better in site of age, illness, and all that. The key, according to Dr. Zilbergeld is being a "lover". And it sounds great to be a lover. These are the folks who regularly turn lemons into lemonade in their relationships. Great to hear.

What the good doctor does NOT tell us, to my being able to understand and take action at least, is how us admitted non-lovers can make the necessary moves to join the ranks of the lovers. Perhaps that void has to be filled from elsewhere (especially since Bernie Zilbergeld died shortly after finishing the book.)

While there are no panaceas I have been looking at sources like 50 Secrets of Blissful Relationships and to my surprise and relief finding some helpful stuff. Give it a look. Maybe you will too.