Relationships and Compatibility

In places where you need a reason to file for divorce, incompatibility is often one of the reasons you can use.

Makes sense. "We just don't like the same things, value the same things, act the same way."

The logic breaks down at the same place that the logic about gender differences being a cause of relationship failure. Same sex couples don't all stay together forever in perfect harmony and opposite sex couples don't all fall apart. Likewise, couples who are compatible in many ways still don't all stay together and ones who appear wildly incompatible can have very strong, rewarding, lasting relationships.

So what gives with the idea of compatibility?

Watch yourself and people around you for the times when one or both people in the relationship are saying "We just aren't compatible." Notice how often this conclusion shows up when things aren't going well in the relationship and the person saying it is discouraged and not sure what to do about it.

For myself and those I can observe, this appears to usually be the case. The place where we go off track, I think, is forgetting how distorted our abilities of thought, analysis, and problemsolving are when we are feeling down.

I know that if I can "cool my jets" until my general mood is more positive, that incompatibility usually returns to refreshing difference. Right where it ought to be in a healthy, loving relationship.

For more on this you can look, here.