Separation Anyone? Check This Out!

What do you do if your spouse says they want a separation? that they want to move out? that they don't love you any more? that they aren't sure they ever did?

Whew! And you're thinking "I must have missed that chapter when I read the book. What the heck do you do?"

For an interesting and inspiring story of what one woman (and eventually one couple did,) check out this New York Times article on a separation. Note carefully that the well meaning advice of family and friends was NOT what led to the positive outcome!

One thing that is clear is that the author of the article had a solid set of beliefs about relationships, people, and her relationship. Whether on purpose, by osmosis, or just luck, something kept her on an even keel through the storm.

When we are over-50, relationships have their fair share of baggage. This can be stabilizing or de-stabilizing. From this article I get the sense that it is clearly possible to make the time and shared experiences our allies when the relationship "boat" gets tippy.

Are We Just Getting Tired In Our Relationships?

Sometimes I wonder if many relationship problems that come along with getting older aren't an outgrowth of just getting weary.


I vividly remember watching a friend wrestle for the state championship. In the last 30 seconds of the last round it was tied and he and the other wrestler went round and round and round and finally Danny just stopped going around. The other guy won.


Later I asked him if he just got tired of the whole thing and he said "yeah".


I suspect that one of the risks of getting older is that we may just decide that we've been around this this circle enough and the heck with it. I know that I find myself getting more tempted all the time.




I think it's a big mistake. After all, it aint over til its over, so we better play on.

Advice on Relationships

Advice for relationships is everywhere. When it comes to being in a relationship, advice (wanted or unwanted) seems to come with the territory.

Turn on the TV, pick up a magazine, listen to the radio, read a book, talk to family or friends and for anyone willing to listen, there is free relationship advice.

Not only that, if you don't end up with more different "right things" to do than advice givers, you're lucky.

Fortunately, we all come with a built-in advice evaluation meter that is always turned on. It is simply how close and safe we feel with our partner.

Imagine what your life would feel like if you followed a particular piece of advice. Would you feel warmer toward your partner? More comfortable about being with them? If the answer is yes, then it is likely to be good advice for you. If not, be careful about putting it into practice, no matter who told you it was the right thing.

In general, it is safer to look for tools with which you can craft your own solutions than to seek or follow advice.