Erectile Dysfunction, ED and Relationships

Getting beyond platitudes and generally good, but relatively unusable, advice about how to cope with erectile dysfunction in an ongoing relationship is difficult. If I hear myself or someone else say something about communication being vital, I may just throw up.


Of course, if your aren't in an ongoing relationship but would like to be and you can't get it up, you're really out there on your own. At least you don't have to hear about how important good communication is or get helpful advice from a partner.


Not that that isn't true that good communication is vital. It is, but that knowledge and $2 will get you a cup of coffee that tastes like they forgot to clean the coffee maker, which is probably true too.


Communication is basically just a pipe. You can run good things through it. You can run bad things through it. Things that help. Things that hurt.


They say that you can't use a map to get where you want to go until you know where you are. You can't use communication to get where you want to go until you know where you are too. And if you aren't really sure where it is you want to go in more than broad terms, the trip can get really interesting, . . . or overwhelming.


Maybe coming at it in a non-threatening, low pressure way. How about word association? Or maybe description of inkblots? Maybe a set of cards with cartoon situations on them where each person talks about what's going on, like in the old Stanford Binet IQ test, "put these cards in order." Just some ideas to do something different.


Can a female partner really understand just how incredibly confusing and upsetting erectile dysfunction is? I suppose so. I hope so. Depends on how committed and patient and curious she as she talks and listens.


On the other hand, I can't help but feel that if you haven't had one of these live things with a mind of its own in your pants for forty, fifty, sixty years, it seems unlikely that you'll be able to really understand the effects of it suddenly just lying there. (I know, I know, that kind of statement goes both ways. And that's true, but the subject is ED here.)


Guys have been getting erections since they were in the womb. Everyone manages that in different ways and it is not without its ambivalences, but when it goes it is a major loss.


I think one factor is that guys often are told that they need to communicate better with their partners, but don't really get into it.


As long as we have a hard part of us that is looking for something to be pushed into, communication may stay marginal from our point of view. But, lose that and now the only way anything is going to happen is with good communication, give and take, using a more feminine approach if you will, and we're in a whole new ball game. Very likely a ballgame that we never would have chosen, don't know how to play, and one that we're very tempted to sit out.


So, what to do? How to learn a new game that we don't even want to admit we have to play?


Or, do I have this all wrong? Really. What do you think?

Senior Sex Study: Talk To Your Doctor

I just uploaded a video to Youtube titled Senior Sex Study: Talk To Your Doctor, based on the New England Journal of Medicine August 2004 article on elderly sex behavior and attitudes.


It's awful, but it's on there!


They say that your first video will be your worst video and this one had better fit that bill. Whew! None of it is really that hard, but putting it all together was a lot harder than I had expected.


There's nothing new in it, but here it is ---



Still is a good message though. I am afraid that I would have been one of those who didn't talk about sex with doctors if I hadn't had prostate cancer, surgery, catheters, Viagra, pumps, etc. Don't make it come to that for you to talk with them. Give the young medicos some hope for their own future sex lives. Talk to them.

Erectile Dysfunction - stuffable?

A Urologist giving a public talk about erectile dysfunction said that he sometimes had a difference of opinion with his patients about what was really dysfunction.

He brought out the concept of "stuffable", saying that if a penis is firm enough to be pushed into whatever place the two people want it, then it is functioning.

Or, as he went on to say, it is a good idea to consider that functioning.

What do you think?

Do Viagra, Cialis, Levitra, etc. Cause Relationship Problems?

Do erectile dysfunction drugs like Viagra, Levitra, Cialis, and whatever else comes along over time cause relationship problems?

NO! Medical treatments for erectile dysfunction do not kill relationships. People kill relationships.

These medications can have a number of results, some obvious and some not so obvious. I've discussed this more here , but just realize that you can't get around talking and listening with your partner with a pill.

He Says/She Says . . .About Why No Sex

From surveying 4,000 people, Bob Berkowitz and Susan Yager-Berkowitz came up with the following perceived reasons women gave for why they think their husbands had stopped having sex with them.


Top 10 Reasons Women Think Their Husbands Stop Having Sex

I don't know why.

He's depressed.

He's angry at me.

He's too tired.

He no longer finds me physically attractive.

He suffers from erectile dysfunction.

I'm depressed.

He's bored.

I have gained a significant amount of weight.

He prefers to watch pornography online.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Now let's see what the husbands had to say about this.



Top 10 Reasons Why Men Say They Stop Having Sex


She isn't sexually adventurous enough.

She doesn't seem to enjoy sex.

I'm angry at her.

I'm interested in sex with others, but not with her.

I'm bored.

She's depressed.

She has gained a significant amount of weight.

I'm depressed.

I know longer find her physically attractive.

10. I suffer from erectile dysfunction.





These responses came from "He's Just Not Up for It Anymore. Why Men Stop Having Sex. And What You Can Do About It," By Bob Berkowitz, Ph.D. and Susan Yager-Berkowitz, M.A. (Harper Collins/William Morrow, December, 2007) Based on an online survey of over 4,000 people.

You can check out Bob and Susan's website at www.bobandsusanberkowitz.com

Erectile Dysfunction: Exactly What Are You Having the Most Trouble Coping With?

When a guy in an intimate relationship is experiencing erectile dysfunction there is going to have to be some coping by both partners, but coping with what?

Is it coping with -

• loss of sex?
  
• loss of sex as you're used to it?
  
• fear of what it might be caused by? dying?
  
• changing identities?
  
• embarrassment?
  
• having to work out something new?
  
• having to talk with each other in deeper ways than you've ever done?
  
• general grieving a loss?
  

It helps sometimes to work our way through a pathway of inferences to get an idea of what we're dealing with. Most simply stated this involves noticing

• what all the available information on the topic includes
  
• which pieces of information have we chosen to focus on
  
• why we picked those out of all that was available
  
• what those pieces mean to us
  

Following the thread, we can ask ourselves questions like . . . ."because?" . . ."and then?" . . ."and that would mean?"

Drill down far enough and many, if not most, things that are looking bleak start to soften up around the edges, to not be quite as serious or insoluble as they appeared in the darkest hour.

Creative "work arounds" don't often show up when we're thinking like we've always thought.

An interesting approach to getting a new view of hard topics can be found in Byron Katie's work that is described in Loving What Is. It's not the only way to go (Michael Brown's The Presence Process and/or Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now are going at the same things from slightly different perspectives) but it an easy place to start.

Impotence - Is the Medical the Easiest Part?

Impotence or erectile dysfunction, depending on how precisely you are defining it, is one tricky affliction.

While the medical world has made huge advances in treating it in the last few years, I can't see that it has gotten any easier in that other realm - -> in between our ears. Who the heck is comfortable talking about not being able to get it up?

Did Bob Dole and the ads on TV at sports events for Viagra, Cialis, etc. make it easier to talk about? Or just strengthen the determination no be be "one of those guys"? I don't know.

I have tried to put it in a perspective that would make it most likely that a reader would be able to do something about it at my website on the pages linked here.

Hope it helps get into gear. Good sex in any form that is good for you is too good to miss out on.

Erectile Dysfunction Following Radical Prostatectomy

Getting your prostate taken out isn't the most positive thing that can happen in the last third of your life, but given the alternative when there is cancer growing in there isn't so hot either. Nerve sparing surgery has a pretty good record for getting you out more or less as you went in, on the outside at least.

Still, depending on a lot of things there is a very real chance that you will end up with erectile dysfunction due to the physical damage or incontinent. Someone told me that it depends a lot on the surgeon and that there are times of the year not to have the surgery in the big hospitals because that is when the new residents are doing their first surgeries. I don't know. I do know that with early detection you do have time to do some research. Check it out.

However it turns out you are going to need to work well with your partner to get the most out of what you've got once everything heals. For a discussion of relationships and erectile dysfunction, go here.

Erectile Dysfunction Follies: facts, fictions, & money

Suffering from ED, Time to Test Your Relationship! by Victor Jones

Is erectile dysfunction still coming in between you and your partner? Do you feel depressed and sad when you think about your inability to get an erection? Do you feel incapable and incomplete?

Well, if you could have the above feelings your condition is serious and you are really in need of medical treatment. However, don't panic as this is a common problem, you are not alone, there are many who had suffered or are suffering from it. Erectile dysfunction is not the same in every man. There are some who can not get an erection at all and there are those who get erection but not for long and also those who can get an erection but not strong and hard enough for sexual intercourse. Therefore, to correct any of these above problems you need medical treatment.
But hey, do not feel depressed or lost, it is not an incurable disease, there are medicines which take care of this problem. In fact this is the time when you can actually test the relationship that you share with your partner. Everything and everybody is good in the good times but the real test lies when one has to cross the bad phase. If your partner is actually yours, she would be supportive and would get more closer to you, after all a relationship is not only about sex. What you need to do is discuss your problem with her. Now comm'on you don't have to hesitate, after all she is your best friend, Isn't she?

But yes you will have to have that positive bend of mind.

Firstly, you have to accept that you have a problem, men in general do not accept this fact and when they do it's already too late. So, do not increase your problem by refusing to accept that you suffer from ED.

The second step is to act, take an action to get cured and the first step towards that is to visit a good physician. Medicines like Cialis can help you fulfill the gap that ED has created in your love life and can bring you closer to your partner. But again, remember a cialis prescription is of utmost importance before you actually buy cialis or consume it else you might become a victim of cialis effects.

These days getting cialis online is not only easier but also convenient as you can easily compare prices, get as much information on Erectile dysfunction or the medicine information and also avail discounts if you are lucky. But please do not order cialis until or unless you have shown yourself physically to a doctor.

About the Author

The writer, himself once an ED patient, writes informative articles and pieces on erectile dysfunction, male impotency and its cure via medicines such as Cialis drug. For more information on this medicine, visit the website buy-cialis-online-now.com

- - - - - -

Hmmm! Ads show up in the darnedest places. Well, we all have to eat and I hope that Cialis pays well.

But still I can't help but think, "not so fast Victor."

There are lots of reasons for ED. True, the older we get the more likely it is that the reason is physical, but not always. And, when you look at a list of physical causes you see some lifestyle issues that we would all be healthier if we attended to. Get all the facts before you reach for the pill. And, yes, do talk with a doctor even if you can get the drug online to get those facts straight in your own case.

And as far as relationships go, it's also true that talking with your partner about it is the right thing to do, but it's just such a hard thing to talk about that most of us find doing it incredibly difficult. Just being told that I "should" do something has never been much of a motivator for me. Maybe some help for both partners is in order on this one. Too bad there's no pill for that.