Are Senior Relationships Mostly Chickens Coming Home To Roost?

Are most senior relationships either monuments to "settling" or just plain awful . . . or is it just the crowd I am aware of? Or, . . . . do we just not care as much about anything as we get older? As a group are we a stable boring bunch or cynical cheaters, adulterers, backroom porn customers, lonely drinkers . . . . or is there something better somewhere else that everyone knows about that I missed when I last looked around?

I certainly do not claim to know the answers to this, but I do know that people look at me kind of funny when I say that I prefer to do things with my wife, that I don't have side conversations about which I don't tell her, that we are as involved in all aspects of our lives as we were when we first met.

Over a quarter century ago now a favorite aunt was waxing eloquent one evening about how one settles into a relationship in such a way that sex and love are assumed and don't need to be affirmed all the time. To which her husband, arguably as perfect a gentleman as I have ever met, spoke up saying "If that is your idea of marriage then I say that your idea of marriage is a crock of shit." That really got my attention especially since I had never heard him talk that way.

I recounted the story to another aunt who smiled and said "Yes. He is and always has been a genuine romantic." I already knew that she and her husband were real romantics too. They both assured me that they had their share of arguments and didn't agree on everything, that they just did it behind closed doors, but I never saw a hint of that. Just genuine affection and mutual respect. If they said they kept that even when they were angry with each other, I believed it. I still do.

I chose to pursue the latter. Truthfully it has been quite a challenge, but not one I intend to back away from. And that's where it stands now.

Senior Dating: older and wiser, or no fool like an old fool?

Sooner or later, more of us than we might have expected will find ourselves face to face with being alone and having to decide whether and/or how to date again.

Lots has changed over the last 30, 20, 10, or even 5 years. Just talk to a 21 year old today and notice how many things they cannot remember being without: instant messaging, cell phones, e-mail, cameras in phones to name just the most obvious. (I mean, truthfully, did you ever expect to have something like Dick Tracy's wristwatch in your lifetime? I didn't.)

And, whether we want to or not, whether we have noticed or not, we have changed too.

Before flatly saying "no" to any form of dating, it will certainly be worth your time to look into what's going on today, talk with friends, search the web, consider the various lists of pitfalls such as the one linked to by clicking here.

It's not something to be automatically avoided or embraced. Lots of people have chosen to go either way and seem to be quite happy with their choice.

The thing is to do what you can to be sure that it is a choice and that the choice is yours.